I’m afraid of becoming dependent on a therapist or that somehow I could lose my identity by going to therapy. Could you comment?

During therapy if you experience a dependency on others that’s already familiar to you, there’s no reason for worry or self-criticism. In fact, this dependency must be acknowledged and honored if a positive change is to be made. There are many reasons why you could be dependent. For example, perhaps you missed out on experiencing the natural and healthy stage of dependency as a young child because you couldn’t depend on the grownups around you for love and attention, or you didn’t feel safe enough to express your need for these. It could simply be that you haven’t stepped up to the plate to demand more from yourself. At any rate, in therapy you can be helped to complete your development if that is what’s needed. Regardless, the goal in therapy is for you to become independent and to even take pleasure in your independence.

And as for whether or not you could lose your identity by attending therapy sessions, you can be sure of this: a therapist will help you to experience your innate healthy power, your strengths, and the inner and outer gifts that make you who you are. Instead of your losing your identity by going to psychotherapy, what will happen is probably the very opposite! You’ll feel empowered to do more and more on your own. Your self-perception will have the chance to expand and open to possibilities about yourself that you never realized were there. It’s a good bet that you will become increasingly free of the self-limiting beliefs that having been holding you back.

I’ve heard therapists talk negatively about some clients being “resistant”. What does this mean, and why is this bad?

To sometimes feel resistant is very natural and human. In my view, this may have at one time been very important for a person.  Being resistant often has its origin in a need to protect ourselves.  But the question is: is this resistance serving you now? Or is it something that’s no longer needed and is now getting in your way? In fact, resistance can be very helpful in a psychotherapy session because often its roots are subconscious and may point the way to uncover the deeper issue that will help to free you!

It’s important for a person to honor why he or she feels resistance. If a person acknowledges it without judgment, it may then bloom into a deeper and truer understanding of what its function is. Is it a way of coping? A way to stay sane and maintain the ability to function? A way to avoid consciously knowing something that doesn’t yet feel safe to know? Does it arise because of unexpressed anger towards another person?

Resistance allows you to know: “Hey, here’s a part of me that wants to communicate!” When we listen to and communicate with our resistance, therapy often become easier and the resistance becomes less rigid and may leave entirely as it’s no longer needed.

My father insists I go to therapy, but I don’t want to. What should I do?

If you feel you don’t have a choice in the matter, you might think in terms of getting what you want out of the experience in a way that feels comfortable for you. Instead of spending your energy resisting your Dad, empower yourself by tapping into your own wisdom and being open to what the experience can offer you. It’s always interesting to see what happens when you stop fighting what you can’t change and see where it takes you. You might be surprised and end up feeling glad you had this chance to go.