Making a Breakup Easier

In psychotherapy sessions, one form of transition I have worked with is divorce or the breaking up of a relationship. If it becomes nasty, how does one continue to make all the necessary arrangements and decisions that this changing relationship demands in such things as court hearings, meetings with lawyers, and mediation sessions? These may be laced with resentments and emotional vengeance. You know this can be unbelievably stressful and taxing to one’s well being. Especially when there are children involved.

A person needs to be able to walk around the potential minefields present in the relationship that’s in transition as well as during the afore-mentioned meetings.

One way I assist is to help my client be less reactive to their spouse during those meetings and difficult encounters. That means he/she learns to step back from the situation so as to be able to speak more objectively so that their responses are not full of emotion. This can greatly lessen the potential for negativity.

We do role plays together so that my client can get the feel of this in my office and then can go home to practice on his or her own. We also work on the core issues that caused the rent in their relationship in the first place. This may be helpful during the process as well as later in forming new relationships. Also we go for the attitude that will be most help and productive in this situation. Every bit helps.

One other skill we work on is an energetic one. It can provide a significant way to release the negative effect we feel when we’re so vulnerable to our soon-to-be ex’s negativity. This approach has proven to be very useful for my clients in these situations – and, I might add – very useful in life.